"IT'S NOT GOOD; IT'S NOT BAD- IT IS WHAT IT IS."

Ugh, being negative is not my usual self (perhaps not even at all myself at the presence of other people) then again I'd like to believe this is just perspective based on sheer observation. -that's what she said- 

Anyway, because a) my sleeping habits are being a bitch to me again b) my brain just won't shut up and c) honestly, I can only write at ungodly hours, I've arrived at a conclusion that may/may not be what I still hold to be true next year, next month or even tomorrow. Which is this- 

Humans bring each other more suffering than the contrary.

I guess it only means to say that if given the ultimatum to choose one perspective over the other- all things considered, I find it easier to find happiness without other people than it is to shut all the harm from them out. To push the blame of all your endless despair on people is a cheap, cheap move, but then again blame is such a dirty word. Sometimes the simple understandable logic is to just allow ourselves to call it tracing the effect back to its cause. Haven't we already seen one too many instances of people with nothing but good intentions done dirty by other people? And when does understanding their pain cease to be enough?

<Then again what entitlement do we have to blame anything when we're machines of destruction ourselves. Haven't we left enough marks on earth that weren't all so pretty as we come and go? Maybe if we held all human life in a snow dome then we'd see it. We're burning a hole through each other and then, the entire place we call home. Funny how when things are done subtly and slowly with occasional bursts of self-righteousness we don't realize how we're putting everything we touch into a state of annihilation. Maybe one day as we watch everything go up in flames in a fire so engulfing nothing escapes, bringing all our sins with it then destruction will start looking like alchemy. Maybe then we can begin again.>

Settling on an opinion and tying it to how you think the world works feels good, because then there comes the acceptance part. When you take uncertainty out of the equation you're left to deal with what you've got; hence the post title. 

If all of us are going to suffer in one way or the other, the only question in line is how much of it we're gonna have to take and for what cause.

If all of us is going to suffer anyway, let's accept the fact that when the purpose of your life extends beyond yourself and happiness takes the form of fulfillment, a good life is not necessarily better than a life well-lived. 

If all of us are going to suffer anyway, here's to finding things/people worth suffering for.

DISENGAGEMENT IS BLISS (or not)

               

                                                                  2:41am realising that if there were a limit of times you can 

                                                  loop a playlist until it arrives at a scientifically unhealthy amount, 

                                                  me playing Jaymes Young takes the cake. 

Why is it always hard to shake off this feeling of disconnection from where I belong and from everyone around me. It's like I'm too in over my head that it doesn't take long in every occasion for me to drift away into my own world. Being in a room full of people you'll start to wonder how people are made to be the person they are and if they ever feel just as trapped in their own skin as you do. And you wonder if you'd rather be like the kind of garbage people you secretly despise if ignorance meant you wouldn't have to see the problem with this entire generation and you'd be happier that way.

Isn't it odd no matter how much time you spend with someone, who you think they are is still only the side of them you're able to see through. (though the lack of substance in some makes them a whole lot more permeable) But this gap of misunderstanding is also what that allows us to have a protected sense of self that belongs to nobody but ourselves. To think that the true form of someone exists only in one dimension is a disgrace to the millions of years of human evolution we took to get where we are. 

But then there's this- when all of us are so different from each other the beauty of the world also becomes its problem. 
Truth is you'll always feel like you're all you have and the sad part about that are days when you don't even know if you like what you have.

COEXISTENCE

We are long overdue when it comes to looking at the stars.

Some of them long gone by the time the radiance of their light reaches us.

 It feels more and more like all our scattered bits of hope at midst the darkness is one big lie,

a mockery to our perpetual laggard and impotence in things beyond our grasp.                                                                                                                
         But I’ve long learned to be okay with that              
                                                                                                                  

  because everyone knows the world makes fools of us all.

Taking the place of our tainted reality are bright light and cityscapes instead

overpowering what was once real with fabrication forged with pride.

In an upheaval our world is constantly turned upside down 

all for the unsettling volatility of human nature.

When something isn’t our reality anymore, we conceal destruction

of ourselves and of everything else around us

in so-called progress.

S. 

NO NEW YEAR,NEW ME BULLSHIT.JUST THIS:

because why do you need a new calendar and a long list of vague 'goals' to put off getting your shit together right now?

    ANYWAY

     

                                           Being over and done with with 2016, here's to surviving another year!!!

Also, I figured since twenty sixteen wasn't amazing for the world in general, to say the least and the fact that the odds of witnessing a shooting star anytime soon is stacked up against us

- there you go 

           MAKE A WISH

        Dear 2017,

            please do not be a total shit hole 

           please do not be a total shit hole

           please do not be a total shit hole

           please do not be a total shit hole

                                                                                                       

         for me and everyone else deal?

DEATH OF A STAR

                               
                                su·per·no·va

                                                                 /,so͞opərˈnōvə/

                                                                                noun ASTRONOMY

1. a star that suddenly increases greatly in brightness because of a catastrophic explosion that ejects most of its mass.

                                           

1. 
   
2. A red super-giant star approaches the end of its life. It has exhausted its fuel to burn and is bound to implode under its own weight.

When the entire foundation of your being is built upon something you trusted to be indispensable, the only fallout plan you have is the pretension that it is still there even when it has long ceased to exist.

And taking its place is nothing but an intuitive attachment, a misplaced struggle to stay loyal because it was the closest thing you had to a sense of belonging. 

 Eventually the implosion bounces back off the core, expelling the  stellar material into space, forming the supernova.  

You know you're floundering, losing momentum and too burnt out to fight. 

                                                                                 .

                                                                                 .

                                                                                 .

                                                                       

Exhibit A:

 What's left is an ultra dense object called a neutron star. The  remains of the former star are spread over light years of space.  They  float quickly, sweeping up interstellar gas here and there,  leaving a faint glow of light.

Mentally disintegrated and confused, you readjust to find another sense of self. Compulsion to second-guess everything you had ever programmed yourself to believe in is a clean-slate, a blessing.

                   Everything is destroyed, but everything is better.

Exhibit B:

 If not even neutron degeneracy pressure can hold the core up, the  core collapses into a black hole.

- and you begin mindlessly leeching onto anything that offers a single shred of solace, even when you know the void is slowly unweaving every fiber to the thread you swore would stay woven together.
Everything is quietly evolving into an inward-spiraling black hole as you begin to wonder if this is how it ends.

                                                            


                   Deeply-rooted priorities do not change overnight, but people do.



      - Don't quite know since when my fascination with the cosmos begin, but i felt like writing something inspired by it hence, this.

      
                                    
  P.S. Credits to Google for everything in italic font.

Eleven things that make me HAPPY

(well not necessarily bursts of euphoria but peaceful inner bliss nonetheless.)

                           "It’s a helluva start,

                                       being able to recognize what makes you happy."

                                                                                                  — Lucille Ball

1. The conflicting state of utter satisfaction and confusion after a good movie. The reminder that sometimes you need more than 2 hours of undivided attention to understand all the thought that goes into making a movie.

2. Miraculously getting lost on your way somewhere even with Waze on your cell and a human GPS riding shotgun but then ending up some place better.

3. First bite into anything you have been craving for a long time and it tasting better than you last remembered.

4. The sense of familiarity you feel when you catch up with people you haven't seen nor talk to in a while, the comfort in knowing there is constancy at midst all the mess that is life.

5. Grocery shopping and making fun of pretentious packaging like how certain brands of plain flour look like they stole their idea from sanitary pad companies.

6. When people tell you in advance plans for the day instead having to go back and forth: 'Idk, what do you wanna do?'  with them.

7. Noticing the exact moment you know you like the person you have grown to become now more than the person you were years ago.

8. Making or buying gifts for people and feeling no guilt at all regardless of how much you've spent as you would if you were to buy them for yourself.

9. Receiving mails that aren't junk and replying to them, feeling like you could actually handle being an adult.

10. Scents that instantly take you right back to a certain point in your life.

11. A CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE.
   

 Nuff said.